Get inside the head of seemingly normal, Gus!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The Promise

For many years my sister has been really close to me, always trying to know everything I am doing and always looking up to me for what to do next, it was annoying, but I liked the feeling of having someone look up to me. After our parents left and abandoned us, she changed, she no longer talk to me, in fact it was like she hated me for what happened. She blamed me for the whole thing and I did not blame her for blaming me, I failed her.
I made her promise once when she was ten and our parents were fighting, it was nothing big, just a normal fight, but it freaked my little sister out and I remember her running to my room, and crying on my bed. I laid down next to her to comfort her and tell her that everything was ok, there is where I promised her in these words, "I promise you. with all my heart that we will always be a family together, all of us, I promise you that mom and dad will not leave us alone, I promise." I broke that promise the day our parents left and that is why Lenora has all the right to blame me, she has the right to no longer believe in me and no longer trust me.
I don't even trust myself anymore, I don't know what to put my faith in. If I think about the only thing making me strong enough to handle all of this and the only thing keeping me from falling apart is the orchard, it is giving me the secruity from the outside world that I need, but for Lenora I can not say the same thing she is replacing her feeling of security that she use to get with me and our family with the comfort of random guys that temperaly fill the empty place in her heart.
It worries me to see her everyday deticating herself to a new guy and when he lets her down it doesn't seem to affect her, she just goes and finds another to play with. I've tried talking to her, but she wont listen to me, let alone talk to me. My uncle fights with all the time about how late she stays out, when she goes out, and where she goes out to. I am losing my sister and it is because of me and I do not know what to do.

5 comments:

  1. hey Gus why don't you get your sister a present, something from your heart that you think she would like. It doesn't have to be expensive, think hard what she would really like. When she asks what it for tell her it's because you love her. Then a few days later pick out something that she likes to do and ask her if she will go with you, some ideas are....baseball game, rafting in the river, going to the mall. would avoid going to a movie because you want to encourage conversation..signed A concerned friend

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  2. Nice idea Anonymous, I will try that, but she does not seem to even want to deal with me, she walks out of the room when ever I enter. I hope your idea will work though, I'll try leaving the present in her room if she will not take it in person. I do no know what will happen.
    Thank You
    Gus

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  3. if you really think she will reject the gift then you should write a letter to go along with the present that explains how you feel and how you want to be close to her again like you were when you were little

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  4. I'll try Anonymous, but I do not even think I deserve that myself. She has all the right to not want anything to do with me, and I can not stand looking into eyes that look so betrayed.

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  5. I think the best thing to do with your sister is just to be yourself and be interested in her life. Over time if you are committed she will see over time that you are there for her. LH

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